One quick note, which I won't go into too much because, honestly, it doesn't deserve it. I love watching pro wrestling and have been a fan of it for almost my entire existence, but this is where I get off the bus. Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

After long long time, Master Fuji have return to Livejournal. I am here to teach all of you the way of Master Fuji, to help make people suffer in life. Lot of good in world, but Master Fuji does not like good in world. That's why he teach you.

You may be wondering what has Master Fuji been doing. Master Fuji accept invitation to WWE Hall of Fame in 2007 and have been having fun this summer. Master Fuji like when people leave him alone, but also doesn't like when people act like fool. Other day, Master Fuji was in bar with Berzerker, drinking and eating French Fry, having fun, when Boy-San come over and began trash talk Master Fuji about his beautiful tuxedo. I told him, "What's a matter you, Boy-San? You want problem with Master Fuji? You never insult Mr. Fuji! You want fight Master Fuji? I challenge you! Let me tell you something, you will be loser, Boy-San! Master Fuji make you suffer, yes, because Master Fuji know how to be devious and mean! You will suffer right now!" He talk some kind of thing, I don't know what he say, but i think he want fight, so I tell him, "I have something very, very special for you, put final touch on you for all time, Boy-San! Sayonara!" I reach in pocket, and grab and throw salt. Salt hit Boy-San in eyes and face, and then Master Fuji took cane and beat him with it. I do all martial arts moves and then I drop headbutt on him. AND THE WINNER WAS ME, MASTER FUJI! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Then, when we leave bar, I put bunch of firecrackers in the hood of Berzerker's car, and when he turned key for ignition, BOOM! Everyone look and car alarm go off. I laugh to myself still. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Was not funny when we had to walk all the way home. But boom is still is funny. Hahahaha!

You may look at situation and think Master Fuji is bad. I am bad, but also I am good man. I want to help people, keep them from suffering. Instead, they should make others be ones who suffer and this make you very, very happy, Boy-San and Girl-San. Hope you listen real good to Mr. Fuji and in the future, look upon me for new ideas about how to be EVIL! INDEED!

BANZAI!!!!!

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, if you're more of a lurker, or if we already know everything about each other. Even if you don't have a Livejournal, you can do this (but tell me who you are when you respond).

BE HONEST! COPY FROM HERE, THEN SEND DIRECTLY TO ME IN A COMMENT. THEN, REPOST THE EMPTY QUESTIONS ON YOUR OWN LJ.
( Here are the nominees... )

BTW, WTF is with the new Maiden best of? Not one song with Paul Di'Anno on vocals? All of their songs from the Di'Anno era are taken from the "Live After Death" album. Plus, no "Murders In The Rue Morgue", "Killers", "Remember Tomorrow", "Sanctuary" or "Running Free"? I guess those dumb fucking metal kids will buy anything.

First off, my friend Claude has a website for those of you interested in anything that has to do with the automotive industry. From drag racing footage to information on all the newest models and gear, to interviews with industry experts, this is one of the best sites out there. There's a live feed of this weekend's NOPI Drag Series event at :::high pitched laughter::: Raceway Park, so if you're interested, go there and have a look.

On May 18, I will be participating in this year's AIDS Walk in Central Park. If any of you would like to sponsor me and help a worthy cause, or if you'd like to walk yourself, please leave me a message and I'll shoot you all the info you need to make a donation. Anything you can give would be greatly appreciated.

I am out of Iron Maiden tickets for the June 15 show. Alan, Schnozzy and Hall are going with me (in addition to Theresa, who we'll see there). Maybe we could start a band that Schnozzy can be in when he's not with Shadows Of Demise. Can't use the SOD acronym; they've already got it, and so does that Anthrax side band, the Stormtroopers of Death. However, I am expecting some tickets for The Metal Masters Tour (catchy and original name there, eh?) featuring Judas Priest, Heaven and Hell (featuring Tony Iommi and Geezer Butler of Sabbath and Ronnie James Dio), Testament and Motorhead (warts and all) at Jones Beach Ampitheatre Saturday night, August 10. I have always said that the only way I would ever see Priest is if they got back with Rob Halford. I also said that the next time Motorhead came around, I had to be there to see them. Well, 5 years after Halford came back, I still have not seen Priest live. And 3 years after their last U.S. appearance, Motorhead are coming back around (and they're working on a new studio album, keeping with the usual pace of one new plastic disc full of riffs, shouts, thuds and lyrical brilliance every 1-2 years). Kills 2 birds with one stone. Just waiting on that new Guns 'N' Roses album and I can die a free man. :::rolls eyes and sighs deeply::: They better hurry up before musical styles and tastes change yet again, and all that is shitty will be regarded as brilliant, chart-topping material. Jeez, what would happen if his old bandmates got back together with another singer, made some music and hit the road? IT'S ALREADY HAPPENED? WHAT? IT WAS THAT GUY FROM STONE TEMPLE PILOTS WHO SANG FOR THEM? AND HE LEFT? HOLY SHIT, DEWEY! That was sarcasm, folks.

Anyway, I currently have 6 tickets available, so if you're interested in going to that, drop me a line as well. Just a word of caution: these are NOT cheap seats, these are orchestra seats, $75 a piece PLUS the Ticketmaster charge. If you want to go but are strapped for cash, we can work something out.

Remember, kids, no matter what they tell you in school, in the press or what you hear on the street, you should all know this...


And don't let anyone else tell you different, but Vince McMahon is the biggest American pimp since Berry Gordy. Your thoughts?

Later!

I want one...

To those who waited for me at John's birthday party, only for me to show up WAY after you left, I sincerely apologize. I hope that in the near future, with the weather getting nicer (hopefully), we can get together yet again.

I was very disappointed in this year's Wrestlemania. Unfortunately, I didn't do a written report, and my commentary is lost to the world (except for the four people who were with me while we were watching the event). Well, anyway, I had a great time at Brian's house with the guys, but I felt the match quality was severely lacking, and this was the first wrestling event I've seen in a long time where I was not satisfied with a single match. I would have loved to see Flair-Michaels go to a 60 minute Broadway (that's a time limit draw for all you jabronies out there). I didn't want to see Flair lose and retire. Surprisingly, we were all able to hold it in until the next night on Raw. Great send-off that was. I'm not watching WWF for a while. Whatever, I got my shipment from highspots.com on Friday. I've watched all of the "Essential Cobra Collection", which I enjoyed, and am up to Disc 2 on the "Legend of Tiger Mask" DVD. I haven't even touched the "Antonio Inoki: Burning Spirit" set yet. I also decided to stop posting AWA reports because I can't handle anymore shitty wrestling for right now and need to come to terms with the fact that I am a masochist. In order to better myself and grow as an individual, I must learn to face my problem head-on and work towards building an intolerance towards my own masochistic tendencies. If you want to see some of the shit I willingly sat through, go to surefoot1970's Youtube account (http://www.youtube.com/surefoot1970). A lot of the matches I reviewed (and many more) are posted there. That is NOT my account, but I noticed some of the matches were being posted there a few days after they were broadcast on TV.

I took my mom to see Santana last night at MSG. The show was one of the best concerts I have ever been to, despite the fact that I smelled weed and incense about 90 seconds into his first song (though I tolerated all the beer I smelled from the lowlife hicks around us). Seriously, I think the world of Carlos Santana as a musician and a person, and I was glad they put on such a great technical display. For those of you who point at his last few albums as being "too poppy" or "overproduced", I say "Open your ears, jackass"! If you're into the classic Santana sound from the first few albums (which I started listening to at about 8 years of age), there's still enough material like that on the albums. I understand that with the band drawing on a lot of different musical styles and influences, not everyone's going to "get it". But give them another listen; there's some nice music on there. My mom and I were more than happy with the show, as we feel he gave his audience their money's worth.

A couple of you asked me if I care about the Stone Temple Pilots reunion. My answer's no, and that's for a few reasons. One, I was never an STP fan to begin with, so why should I care now that they're back together? Two, the band is now comprised of people who have regressed musically and reunited not for the sheer love of playing, but mainly because their post-STP projects have failed miserably (artistically and financially) and not yielded the same kind of musical quality they did as a collective whole. If either project was all that satisfying, why would they all be compelled to get back together? And three, I don't respect anyone who resorts to stealing Graham Bonnet's gimmick and image in the way Scott Weiland did. I have nothing against Graham Bonnet; it's just that Weiland has yet to develop his own style (image and soundwise), even after being around for close to 20 years.

It's hard to believe only a week into the season, there are no undefeated teams in MLB. For the New York teams, it's the same problems there were last season. The Mets bullpen can't get hitters out late in the game and "Sleazy P" Pedro Martinez is hurt (AGAIN!), and Yankee pitching has trouble keeping opponents off the scoreboard (though their relief core looks more stable this year than it did last), while their offense can't put enough on it. Meanwhile, Detroit's 0-7, having been swept by two of their division rivals, the Chicago White Sox and Kansas City Royals, in their first two series, and now shut out by defending World Champion Boston yesterday. I guess the only rule of thumb for baseball this season is there are none. How like life...

I hope all of you are well. Feel free to leave me a message if you'd like to get in touch with me. Also, anyone interested in seeing Maiden, please let me know.

Anyone interested in seeing Iron Maiden at MSG on 6/15?

Original Airdate-1986

-Match #1- Jay York vs. Nick Bockwinkel
York sports an Iron Sheik style mustache with his beard. And here comes the AWA Champion, Nick Bockwinkel, in this, his 1,164th year in the biz! Honestly, he doesn't look a day over 826, thanks to all the blood he's been feasting on. Earthquake Ferris is announced as the special guest referee. Yes, folks, this is your special guest ref! Why? I don't fucking know or care. Rumor has it Earthquake Ferris is a high school football coach now. I'm surprised the big idiot even knows how to spell "high school", "football", "coach" or even "now". Bockwinkel gets a 2 count on a roll-up. York with a top wristlock. Hair pull brings the champ back down to the mat. Rod Trongard says Bockwinkel is a better wrestler now that he was three weeks ago. Well, no fucking shit, Captain Obvious! He's the fucking champion now, you little dickhead! He claims that being the champ brings out the best in all opponents. Can someone please stuff a dick back into this guy's mouth so he can't talk anymore? This guy is a fucking idiot! York with some right hands in the corner. Irish whip into the ropes, and a big boot by York! Lord James Blears compares this move to the Giant Baba's big boot in Japan. More fists on Bockwinkel in the corner. Could the belt be in jeopardy?

No! All's going well until Nickelodeon decides he's had enough, grabbing the Alaskan by the beard. Nick with some fists of rage. A groggy York takes a swing at Ferris AND MISSES! I mean, Jesus Christ, the guy's head is the size of a watermelon, and he missed him from point blank range. Oh, fuck him, he deserves to lose! Tricky Nick knocks him over the top rope and to the floor, then rams his opponent's head into the ring apron twice. Back in the ring, Slick Nick gets his man into the corner and throws some shoulderblocks and fists. Irish whip is reversed, shoulderblock by York. York goes again, but runs into a knee to the gut by the champ. Dropkick by Bockwinkel! Nick follows it up with the Bockwinkel Sleeper/Oriental Sleeper/Daniel Killer. Night night, Mr. York! After showing some post-match exultation, Nick brings his opponent out of it. What a guy!

-Promo time with the champ. Larry Nelson starts by saying this is his fourth reign as AWA champ, and how he was awarded the belt when Stan Hansen "turned and ran". Bockwinkel calls "The Lariat" a coward, saying that Hansen was in the building but he left and broke the hearts of a lot of good wrestling fans. He also claims he is indifferent to the fans, but is pleased with their support, but acknowledges he is not quite used to it. He ends by saying he plans on defending his belt the same way he did before (even though Bobby Heenan was no longer there to help him hold on to the belt), and says Hansen paid him a complement by running from him, since it reinforced the fact that he knew he was going to get beat.

-Match # 2- Alex Knight/Dennis Stamp vs. The Midnight Rockers
It seems the Midnights were being pushed pretty hard, as they make yet another TV appearance against Alex "Don't Call Me Shelley" Knight and the self-proclaimed "King of the Cockroaches" Dennis Stamp. The Midnights come out to Judas Priest's "Living After Midnight" wearing those oh so cool Back to the Future shades they would sell to Hercules Hernandez and Paul Roma five years later for a piece of Bazooka and the same outfits they had on last night! So, for those keeping score, the Midnight Rockers are wearing white leopard print tops, yellow spandex pants, and Back To The Future sunglasses, Marty Jannetty looks like Robert Gibson's gay freckled dick and Shawn Michaels is playing the role of Chuberella, the Masculine Ballerina! And people wonder why Vince never gave them the titles! (Don't give me the "they would have won the belt if the top rope didn't break" bullshit. They wouldn't have even been in that spot if Jim Neidhart wasn't such a crack fiend!) Ferris is the ref again. I guess either he's being punished for something or they're just short on referees.

Heartbreak and Stamp start. Lock up into a fireman's carry by Stamp. He grabs an armbar on Michaels and hits a shoulderblock off the ropes. Comes back again, and HBK gets an armdrag takeover into an armbar. Stamp yells "What" twice at the ref. Hey, fuck this guy! At least he was booked this time! Knight tags in and gets a headlock on Michaels. Shawn backs him into the corner and tags his partner. Marty with a nice dropkick for a one count. Jannetty and Knight lockup and Jannetty gets a drop-toehold, stomping the back of Knight and they're back to their feet. Another lockup and Knight grabs an arm-wringer, working at the arm of Jannetty for a moment before Jannetty gets to the corner to make the tag. Double reverse elbow from the Rockers and Heartbreak takes over with a running powerslam for a two count. Michaels with a vertical suplex and he tags in Jannetty who gets a big bodyslam of his own, tagging Michaels back in. Michaels picks up Knight in an electric chair drop but Knight bumps forward like a victory roll and Michaels doesn't look happy with that. He stiffs a stomp in to the head of Knight, picks him up to land a hard spinning back kick to the gut. He picks Knight up and slams him again and Michaels tags in Jannetty, front suplexing him onto Knight for the win! The crowd really loves these two! What a great vict-wait! Ferris is saying there was a two count. I think this was supposed to be the finish as there seems to be some confusion over the count on everyone's part. The announcers get in on the act, too, as they would mix up the heel's names for the rest of the match.

Knight gets an arm-wringer and tags in Stamp who grabs a side headlock and pucnhes Jannetty in the face before choking him against the ropes. irish whip into the ropes, but the Cockroach King ducks too soon and gets a kneelift from Marty. Shawn is tagged back in, and he lands some punches and a dropkick. Stamp tags in Knight. he gets a brutal belly-to-back suplex from HBK, who tags in Jannetty for a big splash off the top. Peace, see ya later!

-Promo time with the Midnights. HBK says tonight, we saw a different Midnight Rockers team (did I miss something? I thought they were always the same two guys). They now have the guts to kick peoplein the face, something they say was missing. Oooooh! Fag! Marty says if fear was snow, he'd be a walking blizzard. Oooooh! Even tougher talk from an even bigger fag!

-Match # 3- Brad Rheingans vs. Pete Sanchez
Bullet Brad comes in wearing a USA Olympic jacket. Nick is on commentary here, and he claims Rheingans would have won the gold medal at the 1980 Olympics in Moscow if there had not been an Olympic boycott, and also puts over Brad's ability as a coach, as he helped guide the US team to 2 golds, a silver and a bronze at the '82 Winter Games. Brad uses his amateur skills to keep Pete "Dirty" Sanchez on the mat until he reaches the ropes. Rheingans grabs an arm-wringer, but Sanchez reverses it into one of his own, getting a standing armbar until Rheingans monkey flips him off of the arm and onto his ass. Headlock takedown on Pete, who shoots him off into the ropes. Rheingans with a shoulder. Brad runs again, ducks a clothesline, and scores with a crossbody block. Standing neckbreaker for a 2 count. Bockwinkel puts over Rheingans' ability to learn the pro game quickly as he grabs another headlock. Dirty Pete backs his man into the ropes and fights out of the hold, ramming Bullet Brad's head into the buckle before scoring with an elbow off the ropes and a slam WAY too close to them. Sanchez goes up to the top, but takes WAY too much time talking to a senorita in the crowd, and gets slammed off the top. Fists, followed by a belly-to-belly that Rheingans almost fucks up by dropping the Dirty One on his head, followed by a backdrop where he almost drops him again. A shoulderblock off the second rope finishes him off for the night.

-Match # 4- Doug Somers, Larry Zbyszko and Col. DeBeers vs. Curt Hennig, Greg Gagne and Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
Sherri, the "manageress" of that crackheaded Ric Flair imitation Dog "Fugly Boy" Somers, looks really good here in a black dress and necklace. Larry has that blue gi on again. DeBeers freaks out when Snuka is introduced, saying he doesn't wrestle anyone who is NOT 100% Caucasian. Nelson says Snuka is replacing Scott Hall, whose absence is never explained to the audience. Thanks, Verne! Larry Hennig, the ringside announcer and the father of Curt Hennig, is doing ringside commentary, and mentions he can't believe how times have changed. See, Larry The Ax had a huge rivalry with Greg's father, Verne Gagne, over the AWA title, which was one of the most storied in the history of the company. The announcers put over the many battles the two had for added emphasis. As with every match Zbyszko is in, he begins the match by stalling, which is something the announcers call him on. Way to fucking go! That was only part of his fucking gimmick, Sergeant Shithead! Gagne gets a quick go-behind and Zbyszko rolls over with him and they transition on the mat a little, grappling until Gagne gets a hip toss. Larry Z complains to the ref. An armdrag into an armbar has Larry Legend complaining while he's in the hold! Way to sell the maneuver, dumbshit! Zbyszko pushes Gagne into the heel corner and Somers grabs the trunks from the outside, holding Gagne in place so Zbyszko can charge forward with a knee. Gagne ducks out of the way though and Zbyszko levels the Fugly Boy with the knee, flying over the top rope himself. Larry Z stalls again before tagging in the Colonel. Snuka is tagged in, and DeBeers quickly bails out and tags Somers. He then begins playing with his mustache on the apron as we got to commercial break.

Somers strikes first with a forearm while Jimmy got distracted by DeBeers, who wasn't even doing anything. Somers pushes him into the heel corner where they all work him over pretty good with punches and forearm shots. Zbyszko chokes Snuka over the top rope while DeBeers fires away with forearms to the back. The faces try to make the save, but get sent out of the ring. Somers keeps taunting them to let the beating continue before turning his attention back to Snuka and tagging in DeBeers. A big running boot to the chest from DeBeers stops Snuka in his tracks and DeBeers fires a right hand onto Snuka's head, hurting his hand in the process on his thick Fijiian skull. Somers comes back in with a front facelock and tags Zbyszko who puts the boots to Snuka before Irish whipping him into the ropes. Snuka comes back with a right hand that knocks Zbyszko on his ass and a chop for the Fugly One! Snap mare on Zbyszko and Jimmy goes up to the second rope to hit a fistdrop. Another big chop off the ropes and he tags in Hennig. Larry Hennig is psyched! The people are psyched!

Curt nails DeBeers! Hennig with a dropkick on Zbyszko off the ropes that gets a two count. Curt is kicking mucho culo, beating on all the heels and dropping a big elbow on Zbyszko for a pin attempt that Somers breaks up. Hennig tags in Gagne who comes off the second rope with a knee to Zbyszko's arm, and a forearm to Somers before turning his attention back to Zbyszko. Turnbuckle smash from Gagne and he whips Zbyszko in but misses on the dropkick when Zbyszko holds on to the top rope. Leave it up to Greg to fuck things up for the faces and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. A tag to Somers and he comes in with a couple of kneedrops on Gagne, pinning him and getting a two count. He drapes Gagne along the second rope and stomps away until the referee pulls him off. At that point, Larry Legend comes in and chokes Gagne against the ropes. Somers and Zbyszko take turns holding Gagne so Sherri can slap him from the outside. Snuka comes around the ring to run her off while inside Somers keeps working over Gagne, ramming him into the turnbuckles. Somers grabs a front facelock on cranks on it before dropping a forearm on the back of Gagne's head. Back to the front facelock and Somers is getting pushed back, Curt Hennig is stomping on the ring apron to get the crowd going, and Gagne's getting closer to the tag. When it looks like he's about to make the hot tag, Zbyszko distracts the referee and Hennig has to head back to the apron. The heels switch and Col. DeBeers is in now with a bodyslam on Gagne and a standing fistdrop that gets a two count. DeBeers tags in Zbyszko who grabs a front facelock. Gagne makes the tag but the heels distract the referee and he doesn't see it, forcing Hennig back to the apron again. Somers comes off the top rope with a double axhandle blow and gets a two count before landing hard forearm shots to Gagne. Irish whip in and Gagne ducks behind and gets the Gagne Sleeper on Somers, but Col. DeBeers breaks that up. Somers grabs a headlock and gets whipped in and both men collide! When both men get back up, Dog the Fugly Boy tries to slam Gagne but he falls on top and gets a two count. Somers with an Irish whip and Gagne gets a sunset flip for another two count before mule-kicking Somers in the face. Gagne with a big kneelift and he heads towards the wrong corner with Col. DeBeers laying in a HARD right hand. Gagne comes back, nailing Somers in the stomach, crawling between his legs and FINALLY making the hot tag to the Superfly!

He kicks ass and tags to Curt, who goes up to the second rope and comes off with a splash for a two count. Irish whip in and a LOUD chop to the chest from Hennig leads to another Irish whip and THE AX!!! The move his doting dad made so famous! Hennig to the top rope and he hits the Missile Dropkick to get the three count, as Snuka and Gagne cut off the heels. As the second generation stars celebrate, the 'Fly is attacked from behind by everyone's favorite South African, who rams him into the buckle. Jimmy no sells this nonsense and the Colonel scurries from the ring. A replay of the finish is shown. When that's over, we see DeBeers is on the apron, the other heels gone, Curt and Greg on the floor, Jimmy in the center of the ring, and Gary DeRusha, the ref for this contest, sitting on the top turnbuckle.

Tonight's recap will be up shortly.

Original Airdate- 8/5/86

For this episode, Rychard was over at my house. Rychie made some comments as well, so our thoughts will both be known on this recap.

-Match # 1: Kurt Gunther vs. Doug Somers (W/ Sherri Martel)
One half of the AWA tag team champions with a really hot looking Sherri takes on the reigning 6-time Bavarian Gay Porn Star of the Year, Kurt Gunther. According to Rychie, Somers resembles Ric Flair on crack. I think that's about the best way to describe Dog "Fugly Boy" Somers to someone who has never seen him before. Dog has his opponent on the mat and is using amateur wrestling to keep him down. Part of good wrestling is having a cooperative opponent, and Kurt is more than willing and able to stay down when there's another man on top of him. The announcers refer to him as a youngster, despite the fact that he has a bald spot and wrinkles. Somers with a vertical suplex. He gets the 3 and the V, and gets a couple of stomps on Gunther. Thank God this was a short match! Otherwise, we may have seen Gunther's specialty move, the Bavarian Creampie. Eeewww!

-Interview Time With Larry Zbyszko
Larry Z, in a leisure suit, comes out with Larry Nelson to tag team-I mean interview Greg Gagne, who comes out in a suit and tie that Rychie says "probably costed $5 at an old dying war veteran's garage sale". Nice one! Leisure Suit Larry lives in the lap of luxury, as he went to Marshall's and went all out, plunking down a whole 20 spot for one of his own. For those of you doubting the prices, as Rychie said, "Remember, it was the '80s!" The two argue back and forth: Larry says Greg's not as good as his father, the more follically challenged, equally anemic looking Verne Gagne; Greg says Larry doesn't measure up to his mentor, the great Bruno Sammartino. Both of these assholes are right, and yet they're still arguing. What's the problem, dumbshits? There's a Special Look at Greg Gag-me, which features some highlights set to some of the worst nausea-inducing elevator music one can possibly hear in their lives. There are highlights of Greg wrestling and getting the better of the likes of Adrian Adonis, Jesse Ventura, Sheik Adnan-Al Kaissey, jailbird Ken Patera, who at the time of this episode was probably getting rammed by the Big Bubba the Boss Man (aka Ray Traylor) because he threw a boulder through a McDonald's window, and Larry Zbyszko. All is well for Gregorio until a ninja runs in the ring and throws powder in his eyes. Scott LeDoux gets the nunchuks to his skull, and so does Gagne. Thanks for ending a HIGHLIGHT video on a downer, Verne! Larry Legend goes on about some conspiracy and bias from the championship committee against him. They both argue again like two kids on a sandlot in the ghetto as Larry Nelson wraps up the interview. We go to commercial.

-Ringside Rumors With Larry Nelson and Donna Gagne
Larry Nelson introduces us to Donna Gagne, the apparently prudish and sexually repressed daughter of Verne and sister of Greg (not the one married to Zbyszko). They start talking about how Candi Devine lost the women's title to Sherri Martel. Blah blah blah, crap crap crap, grobble grobble grobble. Something about Sherri getting into movies. Kayfabe, bullshit, cock a doodle dipshit, piss piss piss, fuck fuck fuck, Chris Benoit killed his family. OK, I added that last zinger in there for no good reason, but basically, it was 90 seconds of my life I'll never get back. The crowd even gets restless in this segment.

-After the commercial break, Nick Bockwinkel comes out in this, his 758th year in professional wrestling, to cut a promo. Seriously, Nick is one of the true legends of the sport, and despite many saying his better days were behind him, picked up the AWA Heavyweight Championship from "The Unsinkable Battleship", Stan "The Lariat" Hansen, when he refused to show up for a title defense against Tricky Nick. Nelson says he has a match coming up against Nord the Barbarian (who he jobbed to on the last episode). Bockwinkel says he's one of the true veterans in the sport, has the good fortune of having learned his craft well, is in shape, and knows how to bend the rules to his advantage. That's all true, but Nick's real secret to his longevity is because he's a vampire who feasts on the blood of young children at ringside. He says he won't apologize for any of his actions (including drinking baby's blood), and says he will beat Nord.

-Match # 2- Don Fargo vs. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
Looking at Don Faggo makes Rychard want to do sit-ups. Why? Because he's so grotesquely out of shape that Rychard never wants to look even remotely as bad. I feel like purging that Mickey D's we ate before the show. I guess it was good while it stayed down. They talk some bullshit to high schoolers and add that Snuka didn't wrestle in high school, which is probably because Jimmy never went. Lord James Blears mentions something about the texture of Snuka's hair, as if he knows what the fuck he's talking about and will sell the 'Fly some Paul Mitchell products after the show. Don Faggo's crappy moves are all reversed by Snuka. After Snuka hits him with a few chops, he rolls out of the ring. Test of strength soon after he comes back in. Fargo grunts rather loudly. He must be used to it from turning all those tricks. He has a momentary advantage, but Snuka counters this, too. Next, he grabs a rear chinlock off another lockup, but him and his upper body tattoos can't keep the Superfly down. They claim it's the Fargo Sleeper, then the Oriental Sleeper. Same shit. Rychard pointed out it's also the move that killed Daniel Benoit. Snuka tries to fight back and briefly breaks the hold before Fargo reapplies the Daniel Killer (it's just a better name than the other two, people). He rams the Superfly into the buckle and reapplies the hold again. Calling this one is kind of like reading the instructions off a bottle of shampoo: "Apply Daniel Killer. Release. Repeat". Jimmy fights back with some chops, a headbutt, a body slam and a fist off the second rope. He scores with a backbreaker before landing a high cross body from the top for the win. What a waste! Another Snuka match with no Superfly Splash! The announcers were talking about how it originated from his days as a cliff diver, and then we don't even see the move. That's like Kool-Aid without extra sugar, a Quarter Pounder without cheese, or Chris Benoit without a murdered family. If that last one doesn't get the message through, I don't know what to say.

-Promo with Snuka. he thanks the people and tell them he needs to start at the bottom. Bockwinkel is the champ and he wants a shot at him, but mentions he must go through the Sheik's men. Boris Badenov and Nord's names are brought up, who Jimmy calls two headaches and he tells them to get in shape because he is in shape and ready to beat them. Another short promo that made sense. We're seen a still of the test of strength. Of all the things that we could have seen from that match, this is what we're shown. Thanks, Verne!

-Match # 3- Larry Zbyszko/The Ninja vs. The Midnight Rockers
Rychard: (when Midnights are coming to the ring) "My God, could they possibly be any cooler! Nothing says sex symbol like leopard prints on yellow!"

The Ninja is the worst fucking ninja I have ever seen. He has a black shirt, pants and boots, along with what looks like a black T-shirt with eyes cut out. To top it off, he also has a white headband with a big red sun in the middle. He bows. HBK is chubby. Larry is wearing that blue gi, and as Rych points out, looks like a cross betwee Bill Murray and the Cobra Kai teacher from "The Karate Kid". The Ninja, who we find out is named Mr. Go (I shit you not, kids), looks like a starving African. Larry Z is complaining about something while the crowd is chanting that he sucks. The announcer says the Midnights remind him of Mike Tyson, who was on his way to becoming boxing's youngest heavyweight champion. Rychard agreed because, like the real Mike Tyson, both Midnights (especially Marty Jannetty) have aged really badly.
I dissented, since I have yet to hear either Shawn Michaels or Marty Jannetty spout off in a manner such as this:



Back to the action. Larry complains and stalls more, even going on to the floor to taunt a fan whole he claims "beat up Willie Nelson and stole his teeth". Classic. Larry is still stalling. In the midst of all this, the announcer mentions that the match started more than 4 minutes ago and there's been no action. Typical of a Larry Z match of any length. Test of strength and Larry takes Jannetty over with a fireman's carry into an armbar. Jannetty kips up and grabs a headlock, with Zbyszko firing him off the ropes. This results in some quick chain wrestling: Jannetty with a shoulderblock, Zbyszko with a drop toehold, Jannetty with an armdrag takeover. Zbyszko slides out to take another powder to the floor and stall some more. Another lockup and Zbyszko gets an arm-wringer, but Jannetty reverses it into a takedown again, putting Zbyszko to the mat and forcing him to get a tag to the Ninja. It's Go Time, as Mr. Go, his stupid fucking name, and Heartbreak are in the ring. He gets a hammerlock on Shawn, who reverses it into a top wristlock. Go climbs over the top to force a break, but HBK keeps it on and pulls him back in the ring. He keeps the hold on, even as him and the ninja both go through the ropes and onto the outside. A sunset flip back in the ring leads to a 2. Front facelock by go, who tags in Larry Z. The "Larry Sucks" chant starts again as Rych says that Michaels' blonde bouffant screams, "Fuck me up the ass!" HBGay and Larry Legend exchange love slaps before Larry rolls out to the floor again.

Back in the ring, and Zbyszko with a spin kick after he gets his opponent against the ropes. Michaels into the corner, reversal and Zbyszko goes sternum first in the corner. Zbyszko is PISSED and it's fucking Go Time again! Michaels tags Jannetty. Go grabs a headlock, sent to the ropes by Marty. Hiptoss is blocked, Jannetty gets taken over and Go bows after. Jannetty is backed into the corner, where he's punished by Go until Larry tags in. He distracts the ref, which allows Go to choke Marty in the corner. Larry stomps Jannetty to the floor and distracts the ref again, and Marty gets thrown into the post outside the ring by Go. Shawn runs over for the save. Larry with the slam back in the ring. Demolition move. Pin, Shawn makes the save at 2. Jannetty gets a right hand on Go, but that gets cut off as he eats a big kneelift to the face. Go brings in Zbyszko and they hit a double reverse elbow off the ropes. Jannetty tries to fire back, but that gets cut off. Larry taunts Michaels and the crowd. irish Whip, Zbyszko sets his head too soon, and Jannetty counters with a kick.

HOT TAG TO HBGAY! Right hands, and a Sweet Chin Music to both Go and Zbyszko! reverse elbow on go gets a 2 before Larry Z makes the save. all 4 are in the ring now, double Irish whip and the Rockers collide. Michaels goes out to the floor, and the heels hit a double clothesline on Jannetty. The get a 2 count as Rod Trongard tells us there's 30 seconds left in the match. Michaels grabs Go's legs and pulls him out of the ring, while Larry gets a vertical suplex from Jannetty. jannetty with a roll-up and a sunset flip, each for a 2 count. Zbyszko Irish whips Jannetty in and he holds the top rope to avoid a dropkick from Zbyszko. Roll-up by Marty for a 2, as Go breaks up the pin. DOUBLE DROPKICK FROM THE ROCKERS!!!

Go suplexes Jannetty and gets a two count before running over to attack Michaels. Jannetty sneaks up behind Go for a rollup and gets another two count. They drag Jannetty over to their corner. Zbyszko tries to ram Jannetty into the turnbuckle, but it's reversed and Zbyszko tastes the buckle. Side headlock from Jannetty and he's sent in to the ropes and they crack heads, ending up down on the mat. They both stagger to their feet and Jannetty Irish whips Zbyszko to the corner but there's a reversal and Jannetty takes the buckle chest-first. Belly to back suplex from Zbyszko, but Jannetty ends up on top....1-2...GO MAKES THE SAVE!!! THE BELL RINGS!!! The fight is still going, though. Shawn rams Go into the ringside table, Go answers back with some chops, throws his man into the steps and chokes Michaels with a ringside cable. Larry Z gets an atomic drop from jannetty and he goes out to the floor. Double dropkick on Go! Rock 'N' Roll is king! Go out to the floor, and that's our show.

Original Airdate- 1986

Match #1- Ali Khan (w/ Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey) vs. Earthquake Ferris
A battle of the big men, as 310 pound Ali Khan (from Afghanistan) takes on 375 pound Earthquake Ferris. Lord James Blears tells us what time it is in different zones, as if people either give a shit or can't figure it out on their own (look at a clock to see where it is in your own zone). For more information on what time it is in another part of the world, consult your local library. This match took place in Oakland, where Ferris is the "hometown hero" according to the announcers (even though he was billed from San Francisco). After a brief advantage early, Khan has him on the mat, where he and his Tarzan-style black singlet team up to thrash Ferris with boring brawling tactics. Khan, who resembles King Kong Bundy if he were smaller and had a beard, continues the advantage with a bad neckbreaker. Ferris tries to mount a comeback and hits an Avalanche in the corner. He goes again, but Khan moves and he misses. Shoulderblock and no one goes anywhere. Ferris catches Khan in a powerslam off the ropes. He should have called that the Ferris Wheel. Anyway, he gets a 3 count on Little Bundy. Khan attacks Ferris after the bell, throws him to the floor and slams him into the ringpost.

Match #2- Jay York vs. Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
Jimmy Snuka, one of the all-time greats, was mounting a comeback at this time after being fired by Vince McMahon for being a basketcase/crackhead/woman beater/murderer. Funny, since Vince still sold his toys after he let him go (though they were EXTREMELY hard to find). York lands a cheap shot to land an early advantage. He locks in a cobra clutch-type maneuver, but the 'Fly counters into a body scissors. York counters with a half Boston crab, which I'll call the Alaskan Snow Crab since York is Alaskan. York keeps the advantage by working the arm. Jimmy slips out of it after a while and grabs a headlock until York chokes Snuka on the top rope and slings back twice. Flying dropkick by Snuka. He whips York to the corner and lands a flying cross body for the duke.

Promo time with Jimmy. Him and Gagne were teaming up at the time, and he says he's got his back. He's asked about Stan hansen, the AWA champ at the time, and Snuka says he's gonna start at the bottom and work his way up. Short and coherent don't usually go with Jimmy Snuka and promo, but they do on this episode, kids.

Match #3- Jerry "Crusher" Blackwell vs. Stan "The Lariat" Hansen (c)
This is an AWA heavyweight Championship Match! Wow! A heavyweight champion defending his belt on TV! Are you watching this, Terry? Hansen scares the ring announcer off and starts brawling with his cowboy hat and vest still on, but Blackwell gets the better of him. The announcers claim Blackwell is wrestling on a sore ankle. Awwww! Waaaaa!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! Maybe if he stops eating, he won't have to put so much weight on it. Apparently, Blackwell hurt his ankle in a car accident and has a brace on it. So, for those keeping score, Jerky Fatwell is a fatass and we now find out he can't drive. And they want us to believe he could possibly be champion? How? He jobs to a freaking automobile! Hansen is busted open already. Back and forth brawling from both, but Blackwell gets the better of Hansen again. Hansen counters after Fatwell tries to run at him in the corner. Hansen goes for a slam, but Fatwell falls on him and he gets a 2. The announcers are reading results from other matches, including Sherri regaining the women's title and John Nord pinning Nick Bockwinkel. WTF?! Who in the blue hell did Bockwinkel piss off to have to do a job to the fucking Berzerker? Thanks for making a 3-time champion and future Hall of Famer job to an idiot with fur boots and a bad Greg Brady perm, Verne! Bearhug by Blackwell. Stan gets out by raking the eyes, but only momentarily as he gets the champ back in the same hold. Ref bump as the ref gets crushed in the corner by both men! Splash, but there's no ref to count because the ref is down. Hansen takes his boot off and he hits Blackwell in the back of the head and in the face. Blackwell does a blade job we can all see. Hansen hits the ref when he was trying to get up. Another referee comes in and tries to take the boot away from Stan, but Hansen beats him up. Blackwell gets the boot Hansen dropped and waffles him. Jerky is held back by the two refs as Hansen gets the belt from the floor.

Promo time with Stan Hansen. He tells his kids it's payday, and tells all the other kids out there say no to drugs. Hansen claims blackwell should have been DQ'ed also. He ends by saying he's gonna kick ass all over the U.S. Again, no promo cut on his wife. =*(

Match #4- "Playboy" Buddy Rose, Alexis Smirnoff and Doug "Pretty Boy" Somers (w/ Sherri Martel) vs. The Midnight Rockers and Curt Hennig
Rose's team comes out to "Dress You Up In My Love". How gay! The Rockers and Hennig come out to "Living After Midnight". Nice! Rose and Dog "Fugly Boy" Somers had just won the belts from Hennig and "Big" Scott Hall, and while a mustachioed Hall began a feud with a mustachioed Col. DeBeers (who cost them the belts in the first place), Hennig teams up with the Midnight Rockers. Hennig and Rose start and Hennig clears him from the ring. Rose comes back in and slams Hennig twice as the crowd chants "Doughboy" at Buddy. Hennig slams him back and slams all the heels when they come in the ring one by one. Hennig tags in HBGay, and Rose brings in Smirnoff. That sentence is funny. Smirnoff gets an advantage, but misses a legdrop. He tags in the Fugly Boy Dog, who gets dominated by both Rockers. Rose runs in the ring. Jannetty with a double roll-up for 2. Somers counters with a fist to the gut and throws him into the corner, where he tags in Rose. Smirnoff soon comes back in and hits with a vertical suplex and a diving headbutt. Jannetty and Michaels are put over as being only 22 and 20, respectively. Somers tags back in, who then tags Rose back in. Jannetty with a tag to Heartbreak, who shows some nifty moves while putting over Rose's speed and agility off the ropes (surprising given the Playboy was becoming the colossally gelatinous fatass he was during his WWF run in the early-'90s, and still is) before hitting him with a superkick. Michaels misses a legdrop. Both men tag out, Smirnoff and Hennig are in. Smirnoff catches Curt with a boot and a slam, but gets caught and bodyslammed off the top rope. Hennig misses a splash and Somers is tagged in. Michaels makes the save on a pin attempt. Buddy's attempt at a superplex is thwarted, but Curt's attempt to mount some offense is countered and he gets crotched on the top. Smirnoff with a jumping boot to the head. Hennig tries a roll-up into a pin, but a tag is made to Fugly. Gutbuster by Somers leads to a 2. The heels continue to work over Hennig until Somers traps Hennig in the corner. Hennig fires back. Off the ropes! Collision! Hot tag to Jannetty! Why am I using exclamation marks? I don't know! I'm going to keep doing it! All 6 men are in! Hennig dropkicks Somers! Rockers with a double team move, press slam into a pin! Michaels takes out Rose on the floor with a plancha! Chris Benoit kills his family! They get the win and afterwards, clear the heels out of the ring.

After the break, promo time with the winning team. Hennig thanks the fans for their support and tells Rose, Somers and Col. DeBeers to watch out. Jannetty tells Rose and Somers to watch out because the doughboys are going down in their upcoming title match in Denver. Heartbreak tells them their time as champions is over and they're going to win.

Original Airdate: 6/24/86

Match #1- Dennis Stamp vs. Col. DeBeers
The King of the Cockroaches (for those of you who saw Beyond The Mat when it came out about 15 years after this match) against everyone's favorite South African, Col. DeBeers. Stamp starts out with some mat-based wrestling, working the arm with a hammerlock. Stamp continues working the arm with an armbar until DeBeers counters with a clothesline and a gutbuster. DeBeers gets a two on a roll-up. DeBeers keeps control of the match, ramming Stamp's head into the mat before the favor is returned. Cockroach King gets two after ramming the Good Colonel's head into the buckle. Some back and forth until the Colonel catches Stamp with an enzuigiri, followed by a face first piledriver. Thanks for coming, Dennis! We have some nice parting gifts for you. I hear Terry Funk needs a referee for his sixth retirement match this week. As a matter of fact, here is his scene from Beyond the Mat. Oh, and by the way, Dory Funk, Jr. wrestled Rob Van Dam that night.

Match #2- Jay York vs. Curt Hennig
Jay York, his bald head, blue jacket, black beard, cruel pranks on his fellow wrestlers, and general lack of muscle tone all team up to take on Curt Hennig. Lord James Blears claims Jay York has been around the world. Whatever the hell that means...York gains an early advantage with a hammerlock, but it is countered by Hennig. York has him in a cobra clutch-type maneuver, which Curt tries to counter, but York holds on. York throws some hard rights which Hennig reciprocates. Hennig follows with some mat wrestling. Backdrop after an Irish whip to the corner leads to a 2. York regains the advantage, but only briefly enough to Irish whip Hennig to the corner and receive a missile dropkick for his trouble. Fin.

Match #3- Boris Zukhov/Nord The Barbarian vs. The Midnight Rockers
A young Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty, ripping off the Rock 'n' Roll Express' gimmick, take on John Nord and Boris Zukhov (without manager Sheik Adnan-Al Kaissey). Zukhov has Alice Cooper-like paint around his eyes and a hammer and sickle painted on his forehead. Jannetty and Zukhov start out, with Jannetty using his quickness and agility to take down the commie bastard. The funniest thing is Boris Zukhov is really an American named Jim Nelson. Boris Badenov, his face paint, CCCP wrestling singlet, Mongolian-style haircut and big fucking head sell for Jannetty and then Michaels. Nord, still doing a bad Bruiser Brody impression, is tagged in, and uses his power to his advantage on the future HBGay. Jesus Christ, John Nord made some dumb fucking faces in the ring! And this was a good 5 years before the Berzerker gimmick, too! The announcers say there is a bad storm, which may result in electrical problems. I thought it might be the ghost of Owen Hart, but then I remembered he wasn't dead yet. They need to be more worried about the electricity from the lack of in-ring action. Double back body drop on Nord. Michaels sells for Nord and Boris before tagging Marty back in. When Marty has the Russian in a compromising position and gets an advantage, he tags in Michaels. Jannetty tags back in and uses his speed and agility to his advantage before Nord catches him in mid-air in a bear hug. Jannetty gets caught with a big boot to the face. Zukhov tags back in and picks up where his larger, stronger equally ugly partner left off until Jannetty tags in Heartbreak. He makes a comeback, and soon all 4 men are in the ring! Double dropkick on the Barbarian! Rock 'n' Roll is king! Michaels goes up to the top rope, and loses his footing due to Buddy Rose's interference. This leads to a pinfall loss for the Midnight Rock 'n' Roll Express.

After the match, the Midnights cry about the interference and about how Rose and Somers are scared of them. Marty calls the Playboy a "yellabellied, jelly bellied coward". Oooh, tough talk for someone who looks like he's wearing Robert Gibson's pubes on his head! At least they took the mic away from Shawn when they realized he couldn't talk.

None of these matches were particularly well-booked and worked. I guess we know why the AWA is out of business (other than the half-empty arena which probably housed about 250 people). What's sad is that within 5 years of this episode airing, Zukhov, the Rockers, Nord, Rose, and Hennig had worked at Titan Sports. Damn.

Original Airdate: 3/11/86

Match #1- "Pretty Boy" Doug Somers vs. Shawn Michaels
A young pre-Midnight Rockers Michaels, the 1985 CWA Rookie of the Year, takes on future rival "Pretty Boy" Doug Somers. This was well before the wars they would have later in the year (it was the Midnight Rockers challenging and winning the AWA Tag belts from Somers and "Playboy" Buddy Rose). Shawn was wearing short wrestling trunks here, and shows some good quickness in the beginning which is countered by Somers' experience and technical know-how. For a guy called "Pretty Boy", Doug Somers is goddamn fugly! he should have been called "Fugly Boy" instead. After a Michaels leapfrog, he scores a dropkick to start his comeback, scoring some basic moves. Somers reverses an Irish whip, but misses a charge in the corner and goes shoulder first into the post. Michaels wins shortly after with a top rope splash. OK match, which lasts about 5 minutes with a lot of basic maneuvers (most notably bodyslams).

Michaels cuts a promo after the commercial break. In contrast to the Shawn Michaels we knew later on, here he was just a humble 20 year old kid who was just looking to make a name for himself.

Match #2- Nord the Barbarian and Boris Zukhov (w/ Sheik Adnan Al-Kaissey) vs. Marty Jannetty and Curt Hennig
Considering Hennig was one of the tag champs at the time, this seems like an odd pairing. Maybe Scott Hall was too high and drunk to come out, so they got Marty Jannetty (who was already doing the "Rocker" gimmick) to take his place. Marty is sporting a shiner around his right eye, but still looks better than Zukhov and Nord. Nord is in his pre-Berzerker gimmick, which was nothing but a lame, half-assed Bruiser Brody impression. Perhaps in tribute to his adversary, Nord has black paint around his right eye. Zukhov looks like a cartoon villain with his paint and Missing Link-style haircut. Jannetty and Hennig dominate Boris Badenov in the early going until he tags in Nord. Hennig gets a brief advantage until he runs into a Nord boot to the face. Zukhov, yet another kayfabe Russian billed from Siberia, briefly gets in some licks before tagging back out. Jannetty tags back in and gets an advantage until Nord uses his power to his advantage. Boris tags in and shortly after, Hennig returns. Sheik Adnan trips up Hennig as he runs the ropes, which brings out Scott Hall, his fringed boots and '80s porno mustache. He briefly chases the Sheik before settling in the corner. WTF was the point of this match? Hennig and Nord go toe-to-toe until Nord nearly takes his head off with a clothesline. Zukhov tags back in and gets an abdominal stretch. Adnan with the distraction, Nord boots Hennig in the face and is then throws him over the top rope, which causes a DQ. Afterwards, Hennig and Jannetty come back in the ring and clean house. This match was OK, but things about it made no sense.

Match #3- Leon "Baby Bull" White vs. Larry Zbyszko
A younger, trimmer Vader takes on Larry Legend. Larry immediately gets on the mic and protests Scott LeDoux as referee. LeDoux, a former pro boxer, had become an AWA referee at this time and the two were embroiled in a feud due to what Zbyszko perceived as a bias against him. Larry has a silver gi here (unlike the blue he wore earlier in the week), but looks like a faggot with that bleach blond mullet. White is billed as a former L.A. Ram offensive guard and a member of their 1979 Super Bowl team. Leon gets the crowd going with a powerslam and an elbow drop, but misses a splash. Zbyszko briefly takes over before Vader gets the advantage, ramming Zbyszko in the turnbuckle a few times and executing an avalanche in the corner. The match spills onto the floor, where Vader dominates with his brawling ability. The crowd really seemed to like this guy! Zbyszko rakes the eyes and rolls back in the ring to beat the count. Larry Legend wins by countout, but after the match, Vader gives Zbyszko a gorilla press slam in the ring.

Zbyszko cuts a promo in the ring, calling LeDoux nothing more than Bockwinkel's thug. Larry is talking about how he beat Vader with his mind and knowledge acquired from 12 glorious years of wrestling, but the crowd's drowning him out. Larry Legend says no matter what, he will always be victorious. Larry got some really good heat here, as he had to stop twice during a 90 second promo to tell the crowd to shut up.

Match #4- AWA World Championship Match: David Sammartino vs. Stan "The Lariat" Hansen (c)
Greg Gagne and Ken Resnick hype the fact that hansen broke Bruno Sammartino's neck back in 1976 at MSG. Hansen fires a hard chop to start. David tries to counter with one of his own, but it was blocked. Gagne puts over David's strength and athletic ability and mentions he is only 24 years old. Curt Hennig joins the announcers at ringside to do "a little bit of homework and studying". Sammartino uses some armdrags and armbars until Hansen throws him out to the floor. When David gets back in, it's more armdrags and armbars. Hansen drops a knee to the forehead followed by a hard bodyslam. Hansen dominates the match until David grabs a hammerlock. Gagne and Hennig both put Hansen over as a wild man and a brawler who can wrestle when he wants to. Another reversal and Sammartino, with blood now coming out of his nose, counters. Hansen throws his opponent out of the ring and starts fighting on the floor. In the process, Hansen drops a few F-bombs, which are censored for the TV audience. I wish he would cut a promo on his big fat wife and 9 kids. Instead, he does some mat wrestling and taunts David, slapping him in the back of the head and insulting his mother. David comes back, but is caught with an elbow off the ropes. Some back and forth wrestling until David is caught while going off the top rope and bodyslammed off. Flying dropkick by Hansen! Shortly after is the Lariat. Game, set, match.

After the commercial break, there is an interview with Hansen. He tells his kids he can finally buy them some new shoes because he won a match. He is willing to take on all comers, saying "I'm controversial, but I'm damn mean". No promo was cut on his wife, though. =*(

Original Airdate: December 7, 1986

Match #1- Spike Jones/Sonny Rogers vs. Yuir Gordyenko/Alexis Smirnoff
Remember the Russian gimmick I was talking about on yesterday's review? Well, here's a prime example. The all-American jabroni duo of Jones and Rogers take on the "Russians", Alexis Smirnoff and Yuir Gordyenko, in tag team action. One of the announcers, Lord James Blears, puts over how great Russians are in athletics. Unfortunately, he can't be referring to these two. Slow, plodding match which ends with a double Hotshot. There was a promo after the match where Gordyenko bitches about the referee almost crashing into his knee. The Russian duo tries to put over themselves as being the "greatest ever" and saying all the American wrestlers copy them. The announcer finally pulls the plug on the interview by mentioning they were out of time, but too little, too late.

Match #2- Pete Sanchez vs. "Crusher" Jerry Blackwell
This is a match from Jerky Fatwell's face turn towards the end of his career. "The Mountain from Stone Mountain" is billed at 472 pounds, and between both of them, they weigh 750 pounds! Sanchez is a ring veteran, having jobbed all over the world, but to tell the truth, he was actually a good hand in the ring. He uses some basic ring psychology and puts over Blackwell's size and strength and sells a standing dropkick from Blackwell which only hits him the gut. Blackwell wins with a Samoan drop after getting a two count with a powerslam (which he initiated when he got up from the cover). In the promo after the match, Blackwell cuts a face promo saying he wants to kick "yew know what" because that's what the people want him to do. He mentions that he has a baby brother that he's going to bring to the AWA. They try to get Blackwell out of the ring, but he keeps talking. The viewer is thankfully left to imagine what ever else he would talk about because the camera cuts to commercial.

Match #3- Tom Stone vs. Super Ninja (w/ Larry Zbyszko)
Why do they call Tom Stone "Rocky"? This is the same match as last night. Perhaps this is a sign I should be off to bed.

Match #4- Greg Gagne vs. Tony Leone
Nepotism, anyone? Gagne is referred to as the master of the dropkick before the match and is put over as a former tag team champion. What they don't tell you is that Jim Brunzell was the one that carried the team. And on what planet does Greg Gagne weigh 218 pounds? After little offense from Leone, Gagne wins a short one with a shitty kneedrop from the middle rope after two equally shitty dropkicks.

Jimmy Snuka promo- A short clip is shown which explains the Snuka/Col. DeBeers feud. DeBeers interferes in a match, pushes Snuka off the top rope to the floor and gives him a face first piledriver on the floor. Snuka juices some, and the face side of the locker room and even some fans have to be restrained from going after DeBeers! Snuka sells the injuries, coming out in a neck brace with his head being bandaged. He takes off the neck brace saying his neck injury is coming along fine. This is actually a very coherent Snuka promo, which discusses the events, claims he was embarrassed in front of the fans, and talks about getting his revenge for DeBeers trying to end his career. Jimmy always cut better promos when he had a lot of emotion and not as much booze and drugs.

Mat Classic with Larry Nelson and special guest Curt Hennig- A match from November 23, 1974 between Boris Breznikov and Larry "The Ax" Hennig. They mention that Boris Breznikov now wrestles as Nikolai Volkoff, and was managed by Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. Curt talks about what he was doing at the time this match originally took place (he was in Robbinsdale High), the advantages of being a second generation wrestler, and some of the classic wrestlers of the day (including Larry). Curt calls the film inspiring, saying he likes the rougher style his father had and how he is incorporating more brawling into his style. The match isn't really worth talking about much, a plodding brawl which basically has Nikolai having an advantage in the beginning until Larry takes over. Larry hits Nikolai with the Ax, Heenan jumps in and gets it, too. Thanks for also not showing the finish of the match, Verne! Volkoff probably won and Verne didn't want to promote that, so he didn't show the finish. If that's truly the case, why show the match in the first place?

Match #5- Rick Gantner vs. Curt Hennig
Curt was still a face here and was not teaming with Scott Hall anymore. Gantner worked mainly as a jobber around this time and has a nice red mullet and goatee. Curt shows some ups on his dropkicks and good agility and wrestling skills. A definite sign of things to come in the future, just with more steroids, neon colored singlets and a longer blond mullet. Gantner comes back and mounts some offense, but Hennig comes back and wins with the Ax followed by an outstanding Missile Dropkick. Best match of the show right here, with Hennig looking extremely impressive. A promo follows, and Curt talks about the things that had happened in '86: his tag title win with Scott Hall over "Gorgeous Jimmy Garvin and "Mr. Electricity" Steve Regal (not the one in WWF right now), and how they were screwed out of the belts when they lost them to "Playboy" Buddy Rose and Doug Somers (due to outside interference by everyone's favorite South African, Col. DeBeers). His ultimate goal is to get a title shot with the then-120 year old Nick Bockwinkel, despite "politics by Larry Nabisco and Nick Bockwinkel".

And Cheap Seats follows. A definite sign I need to go to bed.

Just because Van Halen is temporarily off the road, that doesn't mean DLR has stopped performing. He even auditioned for the show!

Match #1- Tom "Rocky" Stone vs. Super Ninja (W/ Larry Zbyszko)
Larry comes out in his sweet blue satin karate gi and his bleach blond mullet (and not much else. Eeeewwwwwww!) along with the Super Ninja. He probably got his black belt training with a bunch of kids in a mall, and got the gi from some old Oriental housewife at a garage sale for about $1.80. My guess is he's playing off of the "Karate Kid" movie, which was popular at the time. Tom Stone was a jobber to the stars in the '80s, below even Barry Horowitz and Steve Lombardi. For someone that's supposed to be a ninja, Super Ninja doesn't wrestle like one, just some half assed chops, kicks, and punches. Super Ninja wins in about 3 minutes with a Bridging Double Underhook Suplex. Afterwards, Larry Nabisco briefly puts over the Ninja before cutting a promo on Nick Bockwinkel (who was in the midst of his fourth and final reign as AWA Champion in 1986, which was his 97th year in the business) while some local rednecks start booing him. There was even one smoking a cigarette with like three teeth in his mouth! Anyway, indy shows have better action than there was in this match.

Match #2-Greg Gagne vs. Ken Glover
The announcer tries to put over how big the company is. I doubt it's true; they still don't have cable in Saudi Arabia. And if it is true, it's only because most people are too stupid to know this isn't the WWF. This match is joined in progress with gagne in the ring and Glover out on the floor. Ken Glover looks more like Ken Blubber. A slightly fatter, shorter version of Glen Jacobs during his Isaac Yankem days. He even has the same color mullet and beard! Just not the fucked up teeth, though. Maybe it was Glen jacobs before steroids, I don't know. The announcers say Gagne wants a match with Bockwinkel and say that in order to get one, he needs to beat guys like Glover. Way to fucking go, Captain Obvious! Glover's a jabroni, so if he doesn't beat him, then who the hell can he beat? See, he's the boss' son, so he'll beat him and get a title shot no matter what. The fact that a balding, bony, severely athletically impaired man with tie-dyed wrestling trunks even has a job, let alone is getting a push, is a testament to that. Gagne wins after a flying headscissors, backdrop and two dropkicks. Interview after the match. Greg sounds winded after a 5 or 6 minute match! He needs to get to the gym! He's got a worse body than I do! He wants to team with Jerry Blackwell until Jimmy Snuka gets back from his injury. Why? Could it have anything to do with the fact that Jerky Fatwell has a worse body than him, thus making him look better? I wonder.

Match #3-Cowboy Lang/Little T vs. Little Tokyo/Lord Littlebrook
Midget action in progress! From WrestleRock '86! At the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome in Minneapolis, Minnesota! Where there's a stadium for the original Triple H! Where the Minnesota Twins play! Images of Kirby Puckett, Kent Hrbek, Gary Gaetti, Frank Viola, Bert Blyleven and Tom Brunansky are swirling in my head! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Too many exclamation marks! Stop! Okay! It makes me want to sing the song from the event, but I'll link to the video instead. The announcer tries to put over how popular the AWA is, only for there to be dozens of empty seats in a domed baseball stadium behind the ring. Do they really think fans that watch wrestling are blind AND stupid? I know the IQ of the average wrestling fan is pretty low, but come on! Anyway, this takes place shortly after the Haiti Kid got his hair cut on Piper's Pit, and he's known as Little T despite the fact that he switched promotions. Cowboy Lang gets his ass kicked till he tags in Little T, who after briefly taking it to the bad guys, sells like crazy for them. They should have just brought him in to face Piper at WrestleMania II. No one would have known the difference, plus the match would have been better. Cowboy Lang gets the tag and the win with the Scissor Roll. Kind of boring and dull for a midget match in the beginning, but it later incorporates the normal humor for midget matches, with the referee even getting in on the fun. Unfortunately, no promos at the end from the midgets.

Match #4-Sherri Martel (c) vs. The Killer Tomato
They put over Sherri being at the top of her game. She was the women's champion and the manager of the tag champs at the time, Doug Somers and "Playboy" Buddy Rose. So, our next match, which is for the AWA Women's title, epitomizes the '80s. All there is to see is big hair with lots of Aquanet and Spandex! The match starts, and damn, was Sherri HOT! The Killer Tomato has a fucked up blond hairstyle and an even more fucked up ring name. I know the movie "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" had just come out, but this is ludicrous for this skinny broad (or anyone else) to have that name. I know she got that name for wearing all red, but for someone to call themself the Killer Tomato, they should be fat and wore a tomato red outfit and mask. THAT would have been smart business! The two look like it's a match of Bloods vs. Crips, as Sherri is wearing all blue. Killer Tomato botches TWO airplane spins back to back, dropping Sherri the wrong way both times. Even still, some good back and forth wrestling (including Sherri scoring a kick to the...private area of her adversary!). Sherri wins with a top rope splash and keeps her title.

Match #5-Don Fargo vs. Brad Rheingans
The ref is Larry Lisowski, whose father is the late, great Crusher. They mention Brad Rheingans' nickname is "Bullet". I say who the fuck cares? Don Fargo is billed as being from Hell's Kitchen, with Rheingans is billed as a "Former U.S. Olympian" (and soon-to-be WWF jobber). Apparently, Rheingans also made his name as a trainer, later helping JBL, Jerry Lynn and Vader become professional wrestlers. Now, looks may be deceiving at times, but I'm guessing Fargo's supposed to be a biker, but instead looks like a gay male crackwhore with his bleach blond hair, beard, black spandex, brown moccasin boots and tattoos. I'm now convinced the Undertaker stole his gimmick. All he does is punch and elbow Rheingans. Oops, spoke too soon! There's a sleeper hold! They mention how Don Fargo should be known by fans in the South as one of the Fabulous Fargo Brothers. Considering Jackie Fargo was still working with Jerry "The King" Lawler at the time and his gimmick brother Johnny Fargo was wrestling as Greg "The Hammer" Valentine with the WWF, he obviously looks like he's playing the angle of being the homeless one who fell on hard times. Rheingans makes the comeback and wins with a second rope shoulderblock which probably looked like a bigger hunk of shit to the live audience than it did on TV.

Match #6-Mike Richards vs. Col. DeBeers
Col. DeBeers is billed as being from South Africa, but wrestled in the Portland area as the Mega Maharishi (it IS as bad as it sounds) and under his real name, Ed Wiskowski. If they're supposed to be expanding nationwide, do they think people in the Pacific Northwest wouldn't notice? This was a political move because at the time, there was a lot of patriotic sentiment in the US, so almost any wrestler from a different country was booed. I remember the Hart Foundation and the Dream team getting cheered in heel vs. heel matches against the Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff for that reason alone. Remember, this was just a few years after the Iran Hostage Crisis, and the Cold War with the then-USSR was still alive. The South African government and aristocracy, which were predominantly white, were coming under fire politically for its unfair and unequal policies towards black Africans (known as apartheid). As a result, DeBeers, a kayfabe white South African, refused to wrestle wrestlers who were not white. Original? No. Racist? Maybe. But did it garner heat? Sure. Richards is white, and wears a Rebel Flag style cape. His perceived anti-black sentiment does him no good. DeBeers wins a short match with a face first piledriver.

After a commercial break, DeBeers is interviewed. The announcer tells DeBeers he spoke to Snuka, who's looking for DeBeers once he comes back. DeBeers plays the race card, saying he despises Snuka because of "his color and his kind". He calls Blackwell fat and a quitter who gave up fighting for what he believes in, saying he doesn't have the discipline to push himself away from the table. Look who's talking: a guy who doesn't have the discipline to put his 12 pack of beer down. All this while still sounding like an American. Thanks, Verne!

Do the WrestleRock Rumble!